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Bring out your jokes!

By: Laszlo
4/7/2020 9:08 AM

A man suffering from Covid-19 is in the hospital, where he has IV’s and an oxygen mask.

A cute, young student nurse comes in to give him a partial sponge bath. While she is doing so, he asks “Are my testicles black?”

She is a bit embarrassed, so tells him that she is only there to wash his upper body and feet. He replies “Fine, but are my testicles black?”

Figuring that, as a nurse, she’ll see all sorts of stuff, she relents and lifts his gown. Holding his “manhood” in one hand, she uses the other to carefully inspect things, and announces that everything seems to be fine.

The man takes off his oxygen mask and says “Thank you. That was very nice, but please listen to me carefully.” Then slowly says “Are...my...test...results...back?”

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By: J4yDubs
4/7/2020 7:42 PM

LOL. Sorry, don't have joke to add, but that was funny. Laughing smiley

John

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By: ish
4/7/2020 7:46 PM

What kind of music does the Easter Bunny like?

Hip-Hop of course !!!!

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By: Old #art
4/7/2020 7:49 PM

Ok. Copied from a fly fishing board I frequent


Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

Still haven't decided where to go for Easter - The Living Room or The Bedroom

PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

Home-schooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.

So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

I'm so excited - it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to "Puerto Backyarda". I'm getting tired of "Los Livingroom".

Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.

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By: Dhart
4/7/2020 8:44 PM

^ ^ ^ Old #art, I think these are great! Thumbs up

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By: redray
4/8/2020 10:08 AM

Thanks Old #art now my computer has coffee all over the screen! Laughing smiley

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By: rpemers
4/8/2020 11:27 AM

A penguin walks into a bar and yells: Hey bartender I'm looking for my brother, have you seen him?

The bartender yells back: No, what's he look like?

Theeth smiley

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By: robluc
4/8/2020 11:40 AM

A penguin walks into a bar and yells: Hey bartender I'm looking for my brother, have you seen him?

The bartender yells back: No, what's he look like?

Theeth smiley

rpemers
How does he know he hasn't seen him if he doesn't know what he looks like?

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By: Dhart
4/8/2020 1:40 PM

This Covid thing is like being 16 again. Gas is cheap and I'm grounded.

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By: 2boysmom
4/8/2020 2:22 PM

(Copied from online but fits my day)

Homeschool day #4 - How do I get this kid transferred out of my class?

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By: Frank N
4/14/2020 3:49 PM


By: Frank N
4/14/2020 3:50 PM


By: notinobx
4/14/2020 8:57 PM

After a business trip I was driving along a lonely highway in the Southwest when I spotted an elderly Native American woman hitchhiking. I stopped and she got in without saying a word. Despite all my efforts to make small talk she remained silent. Suddenly she turned around and pointed to a package on the back seat. "What in bag?" ' she asked. "It's a bottle of wine". I said. "I got it for my husband". The old lady was silent for a few seconds. Then she smiled and with all the wisdom of an elder she said, "Good trade".

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By: PaulOinMA
4/14/2020 9:24 PM

Rita Rudner: We bought a house with a bedroom that is the perfect size for our parents to visit. We're having it made smaller.

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By: lowtide
4/14/2020 10:11 PM


By: Elwyn
4/15/2020 12:56 AM


By: chief5130
4/15/2020 8:21 AM

What do you call a person who mends clothes really quickly?
Tailor Swift

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By: chief5130
4/17/2020 7:53 AM

Bad Puns - That's how eye roll!

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By: chief5130
4/17/2020 8:48 PM

Where did the Terminator find toilet paper?

Asile B, Back

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By: CMau
4/18/2020 8:00 PM

Two snowmen standing in a field

Snowman #1 *sniff*, *sniff*

Snowman #2 (looks @ snowman #1) What?!?

Snowman #1 You smell carrots?


Theeth smiley

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By: NCSU Dad
4/19/2020 7:00 AM

Be sure to use permanent marker when marking the sheets.



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By: ultrahog99
4/19/2020 7:32 AM

Be sure to use permanent marker when marking the sheets.

NCSU Dad
The British Quartermaster in charge of the D-Day invasion, was once asked how he derived the amount of toilet paper for UK troops to be only three squares a day. He answered: "One to wipe up, one to wipe down, and one to polish." Confused

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By: NCSU Dad
4/19/2020 9:49 AM

Homeschool day #4 - How do I get this kid transferred out of my class?

2boysmom



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By: 2boysmom
4/19/2020 12:54 PM

It wasn't a joke but is sorta "funny" in a way....

The last week we were at school was March 9-13, and I work in a K4-12 school. One of the teachers said she was not looking forward to the week on Monday morning. Someone asked what was going on and she said, "Uh, this week starts with a full moon and ends with Friday the 13; do you know how bad this can be?"

March 13 was out last day of school.

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By: Dhart
4/19/2020 2:51 PM