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"A Festivus for the Rest of Us"

"A Festivus for the Rest of Us"




FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 01, 2005
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be an open bar & plenty of food We'll have a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free to sing along.

And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pocket. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you & your family.
Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 02, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides w/Christmas, tho unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you & your family.
Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 03, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange is allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money & executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 04, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating & drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet & pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit w/each other.
Lesbians do not have to sit w/Gay men, each will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed tho we will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people w/high blood pressure to taste 1st.


There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F***king Employees
DATE: December 05, 2005
RE: The F***ing Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks I've had it w/you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, & you'll get your f***ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk & die,
The **** from HELL!!!

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 06, 2005
RE: Patty Lewis & Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery & I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party & give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off w/full pay.

Happy Holidays!



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RE: "A Festivus for the Rest of Us"








Now that was funny! And to those who were offened... Merry Christmas!


RE: "A Festivus for the Rest of Us"








LOL. Hits the nail on the head.

But what shall I do with this "Barbara Streisand's Greatest Christmas Carols" CD that I had planned to bring to the party?


RE: "A Festivus for the Rest of Us"




*grinning*

Hmmmm maybe return that CD back to "babs" with instructions as to WHERE she can put it? Ok Ok so I'm not a Streisand fan...sue me. LOL

Don smiley


RE: "A Festivus for the Rest of Us"




you are reading my mind.....LMAO


RE: "A Festivus for the Rest of Us"




Thanks, I really enjoyed that.


RE: "A Festivus for the Rest of Us"




TRULY one of my favorite episodes...of course, there were so many, but that one just stays with you! LOL


RE: "A Festivus for the Rest of Us"




I don't know...I just felt compelled to post this...




RE: "A Festivus for the Rest of Us"




Hahaha... That's about how it is nowadays.... Since I don't fall into the politically correct mess, everyone have a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!


RE: "A Festivus for the Rest of Us"




LOL...how appropros!!! Thanks!


GOOD ONE..LOL




sad but funny.


RE: "A Festivus for the Rest of Us"




I know I shouldn't laugh at that because it seems to be reality but it is pretty amusing!


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